Friends
Friends often are at a loss to know what to do when someone they care about develops an eating disorder. At first you can be unsure about what is happening, and may be fearful of rushing in and alienating your friend or making her angry, by judging her prematurely. You may also be very worried that no one else seems to be noticing, or taking her problems seriously. It can seem as if the whole burden is falling on to you. You might be scared that you will make the problem worse if you talk to her about it. Perhaps you have tried, and all you get is denial and a dismissive shrug.
What to do next?
Ask
You friend will at least know that you are concerned about her but you are not claiming to have all the answers.
Hand over responsibility
Your friend’s needs may be so urgent and frightening, that you end up feeling it’s all up to you. However she needs to take responsibility for her own behaviour and make the decisions about eating and engaging in professional treatment.
Support the person, not the illness
Your friend may react angrily to your intervention. Recognise that her fight is with her illness, not with you.
Take care of yourself
It is important that you don’t become consumed by your friend’s illness. If you worry about her constantly, and rearrange every aspect of your life to please her, then you will become exhausted and burnt out.
Set boundaries
Your friend’s illness is not an excuse to do whatever she wants. If you find that her behaviour upsets you or intimidates you, it is OK to indicate this to her. Remind her that you want to be there for her, but that it is difficult when she behaves like that. Remind yourself that you need to maintain your hope, and taking ‘time out’ can be helpful.
Avoid conflict over food
Your friend needs to make the decision about what to eat. Your frustration and anger will surface and this will distract her from the job of following the guidelines give to her from her treatment team.
Be patient
There is no simple cure or ‘quick fix’ with eating disorders - some people can take years to recover while others will improve more quickly. Just remember that even if your friend is in treatment - it may take some time before you are able to notice any changes at all. Don’t expect that because she is seeing a therapist or she has been in hospital that she’ll be ‘back to her normal self’ within a few weeks. Eating disorders take a long time to develop - so recovery may also take a long time.
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